PTSD

So when I was at BYU the first time, I took Biology and failed it.  It was my first semester at BYU and coming from a small school and walking into that auditorium that held more people than my hometown was overwhelming, to say the least.  The professor proceeded to say that a good portion of us would fail his class!  I went to the class, studied for my first exam, and failed it.  I felt inadequate and dumb for the first time in my life.  I had no idea what to do, if I would have been more knowledgeable at the time, I would have dropped it and taken it from a different teacher but I did not know the options.  I then wrote a paper for that class and I spent a lot of time on it.  It was on the oil spill in Alaska and the impact that had on the environment.  I went to the English lab and got help with my grammar and felt pretty good and turned it in.  I don't remember exactly what my grade was but it wasn't much more above failing.  I was deflated and pretty much saw no hope in this class. I ended up failing the class and that started me on my path to leaving BYU the first time around and leaving with a pretty low self-esteem.  So here I am in my 2nd try and for the first time I felt like that girl over 20 years ago.  The class is anatomy and physiology and it started off quickly.  Each day was a new section and information that was all new to me or at least concepts I had not heard since high school.  It felt like learning a foreign language but a new one every day and I didn't have the first one even close to down before adding the next one.  I told Rick it was like standing in front of a fire hose and getting doused and hoping to grab a few drops.  As I read, I felt like that girl back at Provo again,  I felt inadequate and my confidence was quickly dissipating.  I asked Rick for a back to school blessing and he gave me one.  He blessed me that as I worked and studied the concepts would become clear to me and that I would understand.  At that time, I struggled seeing how that would be.  Yesterday was my first exam.  It covered three units, inorganic chemistry, organic chemistry, and basic anatomy terms.  I studied, I looked at videos over every concept, I used Khan Academy to watch even more videos on bonding and molecular structures.  I finally had to face the test before it closed.  I took the 50 question test and as each question came up, I felt panic.  The options were many, one could be right, two could be, all of them, none of them, three of them etc. It was just like the biology tests all over again.  I calmed myself down and took one question at a time. I found that I actually understood the concepts and as I pushed submit I waited with some dread to see what resulted.  You would not believe my astonishment when a 90 came back on the screen.  What a tender mercy from Heavenly Father and answer to prayer.  I immediately said a prayer expressing my gratitude.  I really needed that first test to go well so that I could move forward with more confidence!  She gives a curve for the tests as well, so depending on how people did I may even get a few more points!  Update:  the average for the class was 71 so there was a four point curve!